Mistake.

“OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?”

That’s what Lilly says in How I Met Your Mother. Yes, the inspiration for this post is from a sitcom.

True, isn't it?

I haven’t made those kinda mistakes. I might have, maybe I don’t realise it yet. Or maybe I just didn't create a big deal out of it.

Some of my friends tell me stuff and how they screwed it up, and I am like – O_O

And then I wonder how come I don’t end up doing something like this? Am I really that smart? Ok, no.

I am starting to feel I am missing out something.  

Weird. Shucks.

It's a matter of Trust!

There are things you know about yourself but you don’t want to accept it.

Good and bad things. Mostly bad.

There is always something, you try to hide it , avoid it, run away from it. But it comes back to you in the end.

There are many things I love about myself, but the things I hate about myself probably outnumber them.

One thing I believe i am unable to do is trust someone.. I can’t do that.

When I was in school, there was this guy in my class I had a crush on. He was cute but  little weird. Being weird is kinda difficult in school. Not many people liked him.

So once, casually, while playing some stupid game I told (who I thought was) my best friend about this crush of mine. And she rattled about it to everyone. I was so embarrassed.

That is the earliest memory of having my “trust broken”

It seems silly now, but then it was a big deal.

My friends kinda hate me for not sharing stuff with them. I regret it.

Weird I am.

I want to share, I just don’t know if I should.

I come across situations where I dunno what to do. And I know, it will be better to ask someone. But then telling them about it, and trusting them with it….?!

I don’t want to be like this, to be scared.

I know people who have “BFF’s” whom they share their entire life with.

I want such people in my life too. Maybe I have them, or maybe I lost them already because I didn’t open myself up to them.

Well, I am trying. I really am.

This is the one thing I don’t like about me.

Is there anything like that about you?